SCHOOL STORIES #4: How I Cheated My Oral Exam

By: Emmablackery

Hey, what's up, you guys? So it's been a long time since I've told a story from my school days 'cos you know, I thought I'd run out of stories, you know, my school life was very dull, nothing ever happened, I was the wallflower, but I did think of one the other day. and before this begins... ... I just ... I just wanna say that there are gonna be people freaking out saying, "This story is gonna get some people in trouble!" It's not..

This happened many, many, many years ago everyone involved is not even in teaching anymore! [laughs] You know this story is gonna be good when I put a disclaimer like that. No one from any school body is gonna trace back many, many years ago to find out who is responsible for this, so please don't freak out on anyone's behalf, everything is cool. Just enjoy this story of how I got an A in my French oral exam instead of getting a D. Don't make a "D" joke, don't make a "D" joke Now I just want to start off by saying that I was very, very good at French at school like to this day, I can still read French fluently, I can kind of construct sentences, it has been a while but the one thing I have always been bad at is understanding French when it's being spoken, and also speaking in French. And those two things are the things you need to do in your French oral exam. I was pretty much heading for like a straight A in French. until my oral exam, which I was very nervous for, you know, whenever I was told I had to speak French my cheeks would just burn of shame the second I tried to do an accent you know, I was so bad.

Now for some reason, I was the last person in my year to take the French oral exam. My exam basically consisted of a cassette tape with a recording of my teacher at the time asking me some questions in French and me replying in French. I know that our school was really, really behind in submitting these tapes and I remember every teacher in the French block like, sort of panicking and freaking out about it I don't really think I need to point out the obvious but I did really fucking bad. As soon as my French teacher started talking in French I was lost. 'Cos she was talking so fast and even though I was lip-reading I just did not understand a word... ... something about baguettes I don't fucking know. I just completely choked, I did so bad, I was stuttering, I think, at times, I just said words in English with a French accent, hoping that they were the same thing, I did bad.

I done goofed, okay? So my French teacher stops the tape at the end and she gives me this look of "Oh my God, you've done so fucking badly, what happened? You were my golden child!" and the head of the French department comes in to check that it's all okay my French teacher presses the rewind button on the tape recorder [pauses] and it's not going anywhere. The tape is just not rewinding and... I remember my French teacher just looking at it in confusion... ...and then sheer fucking panic. I had just taken my French oral test with no recording.

SCHOOL STORIES #4: How I Cheated My Oral Exam

No proof. Doesn't take a genius to work out that that's quite the boo-boo. I am, at this point, a witness that my French department has -completely- fucked up this module of my exam.

My French teacher looks at the head of the French department, the head of the French department looks at me, I'm looking at my French teacher, it - it's a triangular lookin' at each other. ...It was weird. My French teacher, who was quite obviously panicking quite a lot, goes outside with the head of the French department and I'm sitting there like, [pauses] "Alright, now what?" They come back in with this sort of nervous, but determined look on their faces [pauses] and I guess they sort of struck a deal with me. It's not a deal; it wasn't like a "you keep quiet, and we'll do this", it was kind of like an unspoken sort of thing but I think we all knew what this was.

Because I had fucked up so badly, and because my French teacher had quite clearly fucked up so badly I got to retake my oral exam. Yay, big whoop-de-doo, end of the story, everyone else would have got the same thing... ... not quite. ... They kind of told me what I should say. [laughs] My French teacher wrote down some very, very complex, post-GCSE level sentences for me to say when she asked me questions..

They didn't completely spoon-feed me, although they did give me a dictionary too... ... to basically research, which you weren't allowed to do! I retook the French oral exam, they pressed record, my French teacher said some questions, she pointed to certain sentences in front of me, I read them... and I got an A..

... Aw, I feel so bad... [laughs] I mean, shit happens, and like I said, no one's going to get in trouble, but this was -literally- like, nearly a decade ago, okay? This is not a big deal now, but at the time, this was like a scandal in my head, I was like, "Oh my god, I have rigged my GCSEs, bitches!" My teacher said that my first take would have been a D, maybe an E ..

and this one, I did pretty fucking good! My overall French GCSE result was a B. so, I didn't do too terribly... ... erm... yay! Good. I'm a dirty cheat.

It's okay, you can take my GCSE away from me, I haven't used it since I was 16. No really, I used in to get into college and then [prhbrbrrhgtt] I don't know, I guess I feel bad, I mean, it was so long ago that I don't really think I have a right to feel bad... and I'm not the person that fucked it up, I would've - I would've dealt with the D grade..

the D... Oh... stop making the D jokes..

But a word to teachers who have to do oral exams: Make sure that you press record... before you give a kid an oral exam... [moment of horror] ... That sounds wrong! I guess I hope you enjoyed this story, erm... the moral is, don't cheat. Even though you will get better grades.

... Wait. In case you're watching a few months in the future, this video is actually part of a Vlogmas month that I've been doing, but I think this might be the last video that I do for it 'cos the series hasn't proved to be too popular... ... and a lot of people are leaving, and that makes me kind of sad... I don't wanna push anyone away, so I think that uploading every day is kind of annoying a lot of people, so, I think we're just gonna chill out for a little while and, erm... just go back to..

you know... a video a week, or something like that. But, erm... [pfrfbrbfbtt] there -will- be a video almost every day on my gaming channel from now on, genuinely, I have been working my butt off and by working, I mean..

recording me playing video games, but still! If you want to see more of me, then head over... to birdyboots, which is right there... ..

along with my toast pillow, that's there too... I'm currently playing Life is Strange and I stayed up 'til 4 AM crying last night because of Life is Strange so that's gonna be up soon! I hope you enjoy it, and until next time, I'll see you guys later. Catch ya later! ..

I feel like such a dirty cheat, I need a shower. [fart noise].

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